Tuesday, July 1, 2008


To all TV viewers, I on behalf of most Malaysian producers, would like to take this opportunity to apologise for future dramas that we will produce on TV. Why apologise? Well, the petrol fuel hike will have an impact on how we produce dramas. Since we will definitely not be paid more by the TV stations, even after many requests over the past few years, we will have to re-think our production budgets.
Productions will now only be shot in Klang Valley. So I am sorry that you viewers will only get to see the already too familiar Klang Valley landscape over and over again. You will see the twin towers and the KL tower again and again. You will also see the usual KL monorail train shot in the background and you will definitely see more romantic scenes being shot at Taman Titiwangsa with the empty KL Eye ferries wheel in the background. Sorry no more beach scenes.
Most dramas will have the Eye in the background
Due to the fuel increase there will also be more day scenes. Night scenes will be rare as the hiring of generators and paying for the fuel will become too expensive for production. Unless of course there's an electric plug nearby. What I am afraid of is that there will be more accidents occurring when production electricians try to tap free electricity from nearby lampposts and power boxes.
Visually, there will be fewer car scenes too. Hiring cars and paying for petrol for on screen cars will soon become too expensive. So most scenes will have the artistes either walking or jogging together. Even if we need to use cars in the scene, it will be cars that don't guzzle petrol. So even if the character in the scene is a multimillionaire, you will see him driving around in a Kancil.
The choice of millionaire characters on TV - bye bye Ferrari, and helloooo Kancil

You will definitely see more bicycle riding scenes too. The mat rempit scenes will change visually and aesthetically as the notorious mat rempits will hardly look menacing racing in their bicycles.
A typical yet exciting mat rempit chase scene in a future episode of Gerak Khas
We also apologise that in time to come, due to budget constraints, we will only feed our artistes once a day. Catering will become too expensive and we will demand artiste tapau their own food from home. And as such, we believe that by next year, most actresses and actors will be skinny.
Future look - before and after for Malaysian TV artistes
If fuel prices, water prices and electricity prices soar, and the price everything else in the country goes North (meaning increase in price), then most one hour dramas will have ten minute opening graphic and ten minute closing credit titles.
This is of course due to the lesser days of shooting and lesser footage shot. So with ten minute opening graphics and ten minute closing end credits, we only offer viewers ten minute of drama (for a half hour slot).
And because it is so expensive to shoot elsewhere, most scenes will only be shot in the producer's house - his bedroom, his living room, his kitchen, his garage, his front lawn, his TV room.
Furthermore, we can only afford three artistes for any drama. Either they will have to play multiple roles, or the story revolves only around three characters. Really interesting and gripping stuff. In fact, because producers are resorting to cost savings, the script will be written like a radio drama - with verbal exposition happening every scene (i.e. we tell you what is happening off screen). Below is a sample dialogue script of the foreseeable future:


Mariana dan Idham sekali lagi bertemu di ruang tamu rumah mereka.

Abang pergi mana tadi Bang?

Oh abang pergi pejabat tadi jumpa Encik Rahman,
Encik Suhaimi dan Encik Lim. Mereka semua pakai
kot yang amat sesuai untuk perbincangan korporat.

Abang buat apa dengan mereka?

Oh kita berbincang tentang projek berjuta
juta juta kami yang di Dubai itu.


Biasa lah...sedang kami berbincang keliling meja besar
kami yang di impot dari Indonesia dan kerusi kami dari Ikea,
pembantu pejabat kami datang masuk bilek mesyuarat hantar
kopi dan kueh mueh jadi kami pun makanlah. Sedap juga.

Bilik mesyuarat abang besar ke?

Oh cukup busar. Pejabat abang di tingkat 20 dan tingkap bilik
mesyuarat itu boleh nampak seluruh Kuala Lumpur termasuk
Eye on KL yang selalu sepi tu.

(And this scene goes on and on and on)

In fact, we believe if the petrol price crosses the RM3 per litre level, than you will actually only see an actress sitting on a chair on camera and reading you the full script and acting out all the parts herself.
An actress reading and telling you the whole story on TV
Now this will be the future of TV. Be prepared and we apologise for it. Amen.

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